The Canadian Adventure

Part 8 - 10th July 1997

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I've been a bit remiss with my messages for a while, so I'm catching up by sending a joint message to everyone. Amuse yourselves by picking an address at random from the list and mailing them something surreal...

Weeelllllll, here I am with my long hair and my lumberjack shirt fending off grizzlies with one hand and typing with the other, like every good Canadian. Actually the closest I've come to a grizzly was reading that "Big Country", apparently one of the local basketball players, has signed to the Grizzlies for a cool $64million. You could buy most of Kitsilano for that. Perhaps I should offer to help him spend a million or two.

To get the email off to a good start I cannot fail to include a weather report. Hell, I'm English after all (for now). Saturday morning I woke to the most staggering forked lightning storm I've ever seen. In just over two hours there were 7000 forks in the lower mainland area. I later discovered that my mate Steve had been out trying to play baseball in it - this is real bravery (or just plain stoopid) when all of the team play with metal bats... This has officially been the wettest winter on record, and on Tuesday July's entire anticipated rainfall fell in five hours, and just kept going.

A momentous event came to pass the other day - I bought my first Radiohead CD. I've been listening to it in the car, and it gets top marks for all those little noises that sound variously like ambulances just behind you, or the batteries on my phone going flat. The local rag rated the music highly but wished that old Thom would stop whining and whinging along in the background. A trifle harsh I thought.

Revelling in my new found appreciation of music I decided I to sample a Poulet Croustillante - yep, even MacDonald’s is bilingual in BC. A crispy chicken deluxe to you and me, suitably accompanied with fries and a gallon of root beer.

Now, shortly before stopping at MacD’s I drove through an ASZ (active skunk zone). Some unfortunate creature had met an untimely end, but not before getting off a spurt of revenge. As usual the smell was a curious combination of foul and interesting, but it lingers amazingly well. On returning to the car I observed that the smell I’d picked up way back down the road was still hovering inside. Only moments later, in what must be one of the quickest "Serves you right for thinking it" situations ever I inadvertently emptied my entire cup of root beer into the passenger footwell.

Momentary shock was replaced with an attack of hysterical laughing. Back at home I thought that I should clean the mess out before it turned into something horrid. Reaching for the nearest can of general purpose squirty cleaner I doused the inside of the car and set about it with paper towels. Only to realise from the smarting in my hands that I should have observed the "Body corrosive" sticker on the bottle. And the ‘pleasant new fragrance’ advertised on the bottle smelled rather like ammonia to me. A vigorous detoxification session ensued.

It must be the skunk mating season. The whole area is a network of foul smelling clouds that not even the rain can wash away. And I still haven't seen one of the damn things. Alive or dead.

So, our prime minister has committed something of political gaffe by revealing his true feelings for the Americans, thinking that the microphone was turned off. It should be good for his Canadian public image, if not for international relations.

Time for bed now. I was planning to have tidied the flat, sorted out my filing, done some writing, mailed this email, washed up, and had an early night tonight. I've watched Star Trek and ate a chicken wrap and it's already midnight. Ho hum.

Wraps are the latest food fad. Is it just here or are they hitting the whole world at once? The closer you live to Mexico the less surprised you'll be by this, but effectively they are made of rice and tasty stuff in a big floppy tortilla. Like an uncooked spring roll I guess. Healthy and they come with their own edible packaging.

And on that gastronomic note I'll bid you goodnight!