Australian Adventure

Episode 4

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...in which our intrepid hero is out-gadgetted by nifty train seat design, and enjoys a trip to the post office.

How to look silly on a Sydney train: board, mid rush hour, and take one of only two seats available in the carriage. Squeeze in, noting that leg room is so minimal as to require that you interleave your legs with those of the young lady opposite. Note in passing that everyone's seat is facing forwards apart from your own, which faces resolutely to the rear. Observe the next passenger to get on... FLIP the seat back of the last remaining chair so that it faces the front too!

What a concept - why bother turning the train around to make all the seats point the right way when you can get the passengers to choose the orientation themselves. And if you should feel like a spot of leg interleaving that option is available too. The trains are all double decker too, and seem to be frequent enough to avoid lengthy waits and overcrowding. "Good on ya" Aussie Train Co.

Last night saw the broadcast of the long awaited show "Pommies" on channel 10. Made by the same guy who brought us Sylvania Waters some years ago (fly-on-the-wall observation of the collapse of a dysfunctional Australian family) this was a look into the strange ways of English people living in Australia.

There was the convent educated Bournemouth woman, who married an Aboriginal criminal/artist and now spends her time clubbing giant lizards before roasting them over her open fire. There was an Essex lad who came over ten years ago and started a private investigation company. We followed him around as he trailed the unfaithful girlfriend of a client. (Classic line during initial info session... Client: "She has very large breasts" P.I: "Excellent, excellent"). And a chap who had been here for 22 years, but didn't want to be Australian, and who disliked the use of the term "Good on ya". But pride of place goes to the soon-to-become legendary Boyle family, who hate he fact that the beer is cold, hate the way the birds squawk instead of cheeping, hate the wildlife, are fed up with their huge modern home with swimming pool and stunning harbour views, hate BBQs and especially the sausages, loathe the local pubs and, after seven years here, have decided to move back... to Liverpool. The programme is to be broadcast in the UK shortly too - I don't see this bunch getting a great deal of sympathy.

Karl observed yesterday that adjusting to the minutiae of a new country is almost as much fun as exploring the big differences. The way everyone passes on the left of each other on pavements. The common names for local beers. Spotting a postbox (Canadian: mailbox) at 100 paces, and not subsequently discovering that it's a rubbish bin.

On that subject, Australia has post offices that are actually enjoyable places to be. In service-driven Canada they are the only shops staffed with inept or grumpy people. In the UK they always smell rather odd, and seem to be in need of refurbishment. Here they are colorful, cheery places to spend a few minutes, with assistants in bright T-shirts who say "Good on ya" a lot and know the difference between a stamp and a can of Fosters. "Good on ya" Aussie post office!

Our first house guests arrive this weekend. Eve's sister Moni + family are coming up from Canberra. We are going to cuddle Koalas in the nature park. I'm not sure who is most excited, me or the kids. I think there's a good chance of wombats and wallabies too. Do you think that sucking mentholyptus lozenges makes you more attractive to a Koala? An empiracle study is required, I feel.